The Gift of Grief is a short film dedicated to my grandfather Kurt & uncle Rob who passed away in 2017 & 2019. It follows my journey through dealing with the loss of a loved one & the life lessons I learnt from them & from their passing.
This footage is from 2019 & put together on & off by myself & Jayden over the last 3 months. This is probably the most vulnerable project I’ve ever made or been apart of, I’m very thankful for Jayden’s constant belief in me, I cannot thank him enough.
Civility costs nothing.
Filmed & Directed: Jayden Younger
Score: Will Scullin
Graphic Design: Nicki Hlavacek
Production Assistants: Gatkhor Dot & Nick Leong
This footage is from 2019 & put together on & off by myself & Jayden over the last 3 months. This is probably the most vulnerable project I’ve ever made or been apart of, I’m very thankful for Jayden’s constant belief in me, I cannot thank him enough.
Civility costs nothing.
Filmed & Directed: Jayden Younger
Score: Will Scullin
Graphic Design: Nicki Hlavacek
Production Assistants: Gatkhor Dot & Nick Leong
The Gift Of Grief is the final chapter of the Forget Me Not & Nothing Without You trilogy series.
I remember speaking to Jayden about what kind of video I wanted to create. If we were to collaborate together I didn't want to make another a day in the life/studio visit style video. It didn't feel enough for me.
If I was going to show my face in a video it had to be something that was expressive & open. Around the time of filming this in 2019 my partner & I had split up. For too long I had held back in all areas of my life, I felt like I was always on the back foot trying to move forward, waiting...waiting...waiting. The break up kicked me in the ass & got me motivated like never before, I wanted more from life. I wanted to give more to it. I wanted to feel it.
I have never really had my face attached to my work or social media, a little bit here & there but my photographs were always the main focus for me. In all honesty I never really liked what I saw in myself, 2 years earlier I didn't look at a mirror or photo of myself for around 6-8 months, I was just sick of who I saw. So when this opportunity arrived to be the main focus of a video I didn't really know how to feel. I knew this was something that I wanted to overcome & saw it as a challenge of my own vulnerability. A freeing experience of my own judgement.
Originally this video was going to follow the timeline of my years in photography, building up to Nothing Without You & then shining a light on the next big project I'm currently working on. The first day we spent filming went pretty horrible, I could hardly get a sentence out & couldn't help but put so much pressure on each word I was saying. For the 3-4 hours we spent filming I don't think a second of it was used in the final video. The boys left my house & I kept thinking through the day, digging back into the past of nostalgia & reliving the grief of those thoughts overwhelmed me in the moment, but I felt like the ice had been cracked. This project wasn't going to be about my work anymore, it was going to be a dedication.
I remember that night the title hit me as I was on a walk...the gift of grief. Words are such a beautiful thing. I repeated it over & over in my head, I loved the way it sounded together & the duality of it all. I was feeling a little lost but now the video had real direction in my own mind.
I messaged the title to Jayden later that night & told him I would spend the next week delving through my mental archive of memories, dot pointing the main moments that were important to me. I don't think he was too impressed to hear that everything we had shot that day had to be scrapped & that I had a whole new idea, but thankfully he put his faith in me to do better. The next few days I had to reflect on myself, what did I want from this project? How much of myself did I want to give?
Well after a few walks it became pretty clear to me, it was time to fully open up. As I mention in the video, when you lose someone you see the true character & emotions of both yourself & of your friends & family. It would feel disrespectful to not put forward that version of me for this video. I had to lower my guard & open the door to my own private world, I had to give my all.
When I met up with Jayden & Nick a week later I told them in the car as we were driving to my grandmother's house that I was ready this time, ready to give all of myself to the camera.
We started off the day getting a lot of B-roll footage to work into the film, the shots with my grandmother were very special to me. In another life she could easily be a movie star, her personality & energy is so loud & pure. After discussing the notes & direction I had written down for the interview, Jayden was very stern with me, I had to go all in when talking. If I half heart it or crack under the pressure the video won't hit hard enough.
The day was thoroughly enjoyable, from travelling to my grandmother's, to getting lunch in Box Hill then back home for the interview, I had really nice time. I felt calm & sure of myself, I backed myself. Jayden & Nick were really helpful throughout the day, especially when it came time to sit down & reshoot the interview. They were extremely supportive in my times of struggle & respectful in my times of emotion. I have to thank them dearly for giving me that extra confidence to push through & open up to the audience.
A weight had been lifted off my shoulders, I did it & even better I felt confident in the footage we had shot. If there's any rule to shooting whether being the one behind the lens or the subject, it's to go all in enjoy the ups & downs of it all.
As the world began shutting down in early 2020 so did this project. As the months passed I wasn't sure if it was ever going to see the light of day, but as Melbourne came back to a place of 'normality' the cars refilled the roads & the engine of the city started churning again.
Around October/November of last year Jayden & I finally got to link up & go through the footage he had roughly cut together. I tell you what, hearing your own voice saying the same words over & over for hours is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, but it did make for a good laugh as we worked through the editing process. After 4-5 sessions we had it cut together, I had gotten my good friend Will to make the score & Nicki to create the graphic design, after almost a year everything had come together with people that mean the most.
When it came to release day I think I was more nervous/anxious about my own family seeing the film over any of my randoms who don't know me. Everything in this video was so personal & I wasn't sure if I had said or shown too much.
I know I haven't mentioned much of the 2 people who this video is dedicated too but I think the video demonstrates my words better than I could ever write them. There isn't a day that goes by where I don't think about my Poppy & Uncle Rob, it was a privilege to have known them & an honour to have made something in their name. I will carry their love until I see them on the other side.
So many times I have been with people I love, friends, partners, family even strangers in quiet, isolated moments. Moments in which I wanted to speak but was held back by words from a voice without a face, my anxiety. This project was my way of putting my foot down. I don't want to be controlled by voices in my head, I want to give openly. I want to express myself. I want to feel. I WANT TO FEEL. I want to let those I care for know how much they mean. After going through this process I feel more free as a person & artist. Everything is gone before you know it & moments only last while you are in them, take it all in before it's gone.
I have to give huge thanks to Jayden for his unrelenting commitment to this project & allowing me to speak on such personal subjects. If it wasn't for him & his confidence in what we had made I don't think this video would have ever come out. I gained a great new friend & collaborator. Thank you Jayden.
I have to also give thanks to Will for his beautiful score, I can't really explain with words how touching his music is. He has a skill possessed by few & I am so lucky to have him as friend. When I was battling with the weight of loss he was there for me everyday. I still remember him telling me that I had to be 'the rock' for my family during this difficult time, to make sure that I gave a shoulder for them to cry on & stand tall when I felt like it was all too much. As simple as it may seem those words really struck me deeply. I still carry those words with me to this day.
Extra thanks have to be given to Matthew, one of my best friends & a believers. For the longest time Matt has been someone who has backed my work & given me incredible feedbacks/criticisms. I don't know many as caring & loyal of a human, but I am so glad to have him in my life. Nothing Without You would never have been created if it wasn't for his tireless efforts to create long lasting work. Thank you for everything Matt.
RIP KURT - RIP ROB
If I was going to show my face in a video it had to be something that was expressive & open. Around the time of filming this in 2019 my partner & I had split up. For too long I had held back in all areas of my life, I felt like I was always on the back foot trying to move forward, waiting...waiting...waiting. The break up kicked me in the ass & got me motivated like never before, I wanted more from life. I wanted to give more to it. I wanted to feel it.
I have never really had my face attached to my work or social media, a little bit here & there but my photographs were always the main focus for me. In all honesty I never really liked what I saw in myself, 2 years earlier I didn't look at a mirror or photo of myself for around 6-8 months, I was just sick of who I saw. So when this opportunity arrived to be the main focus of a video I didn't really know how to feel. I knew this was something that I wanted to overcome & saw it as a challenge of my own vulnerability. A freeing experience of my own judgement.
Originally this video was going to follow the timeline of my years in photography, building up to Nothing Without You & then shining a light on the next big project I'm currently working on. The first day we spent filming went pretty horrible, I could hardly get a sentence out & couldn't help but put so much pressure on each word I was saying. For the 3-4 hours we spent filming I don't think a second of it was used in the final video. The boys left my house & I kept thinking through the day, digging back into the past of nostalgia & reliving the grief of those thoughts overwhelmed me in the moment, but I felt like the ice had been cracked. This project wasn't going to be about my work anymore, it was going to be a dedication.
I remember that night the title hit me as I was on a walk...the gift of grief. Words are such a beautiful thing. I repeated it over & over in my head, I loved the way it sounded together & the duality of it all. I was feeling a little lost but now the video had real direction in my own mind.
I messaged the title to Jayden later that night & told him I would spend the next week delving through my mental archive of memories, dot pointing the main moments that were important to me. I don't think he was too impressed to hear that everything we had shot that day had to be scrapped & that I had a whole new idea, but thankfully he put his faith in me to do better. The next few days I had to reflect on myself, what did I want from this project? How much of myself did I want to give?
Well after a few walks it became pretty clear to me, it was time to fully open up. As I mention in the video, when you lose someone you see the true character & emotions of both yourself & of your friends & family. It would feel disrespectful to not put forward that version of me for this video. I had to lower my guard & open the door to my own private world, I had to give my all.
When I met up with Jayden & Nick a week later I told them in the car as we were driving to my grandmother's house that I was ready this time, ready to give all of myself to the camera.
We started off the day getting a lot of B-roll footage to work into the film, the shots with my grandmother were very special to me. In another life she could easily be a movie star, her personality & energy is so loud & pure. After discussing the notes & direction I had written down for the interview, Jayden was very stern with me, I had to go all in when talking. If I half heart it or crack under the pressure the video won't hit hard enough.
The day was thoroughly enjoyable, from travelling to my grandmother's, to getting lunch in Box Hill then back home for the interview, I had really nice time. I felt calm & sure of myself, I backed myself. Jayden & Nick were really helpful throughout the day, especially when it came time to sit down & reshoot the interview. They were extremely supportive in my times of struggle & respectful in my times of emotion. I have to thank them dearly for giving me that extra confidence to push through & open up to the audience.
A weight had been lifted off my shoulders, I did it & even better I felt confident in the footage we had shot. If there's any rule to shooting whether being the one behind the lens or the subject, it's to go all in enjoy the ups & downs of it all.
As the world began shutting down in early 2020 so did this project. As the months passed I wasn't sure if it was ever going to see the light of day, but as Melbourne came back to a place of 'normality' the cars refilled the roads & the engine of the city started churning again.
Around October/November of last year Jayden & I finally got to link up & go through the footage he had roughly cut together. I tell you what, hearing your own voice saying the same words over & over for hours is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, but it did make for a good laugh as we worked through the editing process. After 4-5 sessions we had it cut together, I had gotten my good friend Will to make the score & Nicki to create the graphic design, after almost a year everything had come together with people that mean the most.
When it came to release day I think I was more nervous/anxious about my own family seeing the film over any of my randoms who don't know me. Everything in this video was so personal & I wasn't sure if I had said or shown too much.
I know I haven't mentioned much of the 2 people who this video is dedicated too but I think the video demonstrates my words better than I could ever write them. There isn't a day that goes by where I don't think about my Poppy & Uncle Rob, it was a privilege to have known them & an honour to have made something in their name. I will carry their love until I see them on the other side.
So many times I have been with people I love, friends, partners, family even strangers in quiet, isolated moments. Moments in which I wanted to speak but was held back by words from a voice without a face, my anxiety. This project was my way of putting my foot down. I don't want to be controlled by voices in my head, I want to give openly. I want to express myself. I want to feel. I WANT TO FEEL. I want to let those I care for know how much they mean. After going through this process I feel more free as a person & artist. Everything is gone before you know it & moments only last while you are in them, take it all in before it's gone.
I have to give huge thanks to Jayden for his unrelenting commitment to this project & allowing me to speak on such personal subjects. If it wasn't for him & his confidence in what we had made I don't think this video would have ever come out. I gained a great new friend & collaborator. Thank you Jayden.
I have to also give thanks to Will for his beautiful score, I can't really explain with words how touching his music is. He has a skill possessed by few & I am so lucky to have him as friend. When I was battling with the weight of loss he was there for me everyday. I still remember him telling me that I had to be 'the rock' for my family during this difficult time, to make sure that I gave a shoulder for them to cry on & stand tall when I felt like it was all too much. As simple as it may seem those words really struck me deeply. I still carry those words with me to this day.
Extra thanks have to be given to Matthew, one of my best friends & a believers. For the longest time Matt has been someone who has backed my work & given me incredible feedbacks/criticisms. I don't know many as caring & loyal of a human, but I am so glad to have him in my life. Nothing Without You would never have been created if it wasn't for his tireless efforts to create long lasting work. Thank you for everything Matt.
RIP KURT - RIP ROB
